Are We Compatible? Who Cares TBH.
Focus on yourself first. Then the coolest people will show up.
The compatibility checklist is burning in flames; ditched in favour of focusing on myself.
Two key questions guide me:
- What kind of lifestyle do I want?
- How can I create my dream lifestyle?
When single a few years ago, a sacred circle of viciously large thorns surrounded a new vault of plans.
Who I spent time with became a conscious choice. (What?) Yeah…I know!
My hazel eyes rested on some cool ideas for the future and that sh*t became really important to me.
Answering the lifestyle question, I journaled options, wants, needs, and desires. I could study psychology or art in other countries. Live in a cosy wood cabin in Norway with a roaring fireplace and a loyal Basset Hound for company.
With no kids, all kinds of options are within reach. If I could scrape some money together, I could make this happen. My plans excited me. Like a lot. Have you ever made plans like that? In your imagination?
Busy drawing and painting again, around this time, something funny happened: losers, disguised as friends, tried to waste my time, but it was blissfully easy to slide away.
I was too busy enjoying myself and following the master plan!
I followed through on promises to myself. Meditation, creating, taking walks for my health, and visiting museums have made me a tourist in my hometown. Photography walks lifted my spirit. Capturing mystical shots of nature while listening to music.
When a romantic interest did come along, my attitude was natural indifference. My usual ‘they’re fun, or we have chemistry’ non-strategy of the past was dust. No more wasting time, no more passing power to others.
How people make me feel through their actions and behaviour has become my new standard, and it remains my primary focus. I prioritize individuals who provide a sense of peace, calm, respect, and kindness, rather than entertainment (drama), validation (lip service), or distraction (insecurity).
I follow my desires. That’s it. That’s my whole game.
When someone doesn’t align anymore, I’m comfortable moving on.
Saying no to external requests and pressures and yes to myself felt initially unfamiliar, icky and a struggle. But a strong sense of inner trust was building up in me and it felt SO GOOD, addictive even.
It took about a year of doing this to reach a new, strange level of confidence. I remember getting spiritual ‘chills’.
I remember booking a holiday to an island and sitting in a helicopter, viewing the ocean zip by beneath my feet, and thinking, “holy cow” this is what I can actually do!
The exceptional people I’ve met since those days have supported my personal growth, helped me launch multiple businesses, and joined me at Art School as I studied for a Visual Arts Diploma…whilst I didn’t end up in Norway, these are wild dreams I never thought would happen.
I’m learning that self-acceptance, strong standards, and having that guide me and attract people interested in the same vision, beat focusing on chemistry and compatibility. Seems I had to focus on myself and my lifestyle first.
Reflecting on those initial questions —
‘What kind of lifestyle do I want?’ and ‘How can I create my dream lifestyle?’ Some answers emerged naturally by focusing on growth and surrounding myself with those who align with my core values.
Creating a life that feels authentically mine. A life that excites with goals that matter and allows relationships to form organically from that framework.
The lesson seems to be: A life isn’t something to be found—it’s something you create, step by step, choice by choice.
It seems when you’re busy building this life, who you’re compatible with and your non-negotiables become clear by default.
Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed this gem, clap and clap some more, comment, and subscribe so you don’t miss out.
PS:
We specialise in empowering women through actionable techniques delivered via articles and personalised mentoring sessions over Zoom.
Our mission? To optimise women’s personal and professional lives, starting from the inside out.
Join the Precious Self tribe and become a member (for free!) to snap up the juicy monthly newsletter, generous discounts, and soon-to-be-released training programs:
https://precious-self.com/home#subscribe
